Monday, December 5, 2011

He Doesn't Fit the Description

I think I've figure out why it's the single mothers who carry the burden of being "wrong." There's some generic prototype of a baby daddy roaming the streets. Women are to see him and immediately know he ain't shit. His name is "Young _______ (Chris, Paul, Jock)," "Lil _______(Beano, Audi, Gas Mask)," or he calls himself a self-defense weapon. Therefore, if you meet someone named Lil Young Pistol you know he's a deadbeat. He'll also be dragging  a woman by her scalp down the street, smoking weed, and drinking a forty. His pants will be sagging, and he'll be wearing a lot of gold and Gucci. His car has rims worth more than the value of the car. He lives in the ghetto with his mother.

In theory this all sounds great, but very rarely is any of this true. This is what is seen on Maury Povich, a television show. As adults we need to start determining the difference between what's supposed to inform, what's supposed to entertain, and what's supposed to deplete our brain cells. Reality is that deadbeat dads come wrapped in different packages. They range from the slacker on his mama's couch, to the fry cook at McDonald's, to the college basketball player, to the hustler, to the mail room clerk, to the executive. His name can be Raymond, Ronald, or Raheem. He can be educated, articulated, and gainfully employed. There is no physical mold. Stop telling women the actions of another person are their fault. If you can't control a person's actions you don't have to take responsibility for them either.

Procreation is a joint venture. Why, then, does American society go out the way to place the fault of single parenthood on women? If a man is a single parent it's because the mother of his children failed at being a woman. If a woman is a single parent she fails at being a woman. She "chose the wrong man to father her children." She should have seen the signs. She should have known him better before spreading her legs for him. Rarely is the comment made that the males involved in this issue should accept responsibility. Our society creates all these loopholes for men. These loopholes turn into burdens of shame for women.

I think it's absolutely insane to blame one person for another person's failure to be an adult. There's no way to look into a person's eyes to see the future. If that were the case there would be no divorces, unemployment, or bad economy.  They say women can see the signs. What signs? During pregnancy the man was present at every single obstetrics appointment. He expressed joy that he was having a child. How is a woman to know that months after their baby is born the man finds out he is not willing to make the sacrifices that parents have to make? He wants to chase tail rather than take care of children. How do you know this is going to happen until it happens? Why is it the woman's fault that it happens? The truth is, you don't know. Of course there are situations where the man already had three or more kids he wasn't taking care of, but I like to believe this is not the norm. What do you say to the mother of his first child? Do you tell her that she should have known he was going to leave her alone to struggle with a child and then have seven more after that one? During the course of their relationship, after they were engaged, should she have seen this person was going to change?

The reality is that people do change. They also come to a point where they decide adulthood isn't for them. Unfortunately our culture makes it easier for males to be comfortable with this decision. Excuse after excuse is created for them. If no one is going to hold them accountable for their wrongdoing, then why should they hold themselves accountable? By saying women should look at men and know which ones to stay away from we are not holding these men accountable. Instead of pointing the finger, we need to fix the problem. The problem is responsibility is becoming extinct. Whoever makes the babies should take care of them. All involved parties should take care of them.

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