Friday, November 18, 2011

"That's Why You're Gonna End Up Single!"

What is an independent woman to you? Is it a gift, a curse, or something you have to do just because that's the way things are? Did you ever think that you'd be punished for surviving? When you wake up in the morning, is it your mission to intimidate anyone simply by paying your bills? A couple of weeks ago I had a pointless discussion with two males who felt that the "Independent Women Syndrome" was a product of the Willie Lynch Letter. They had no reason to back up this statement. They just said that they wanted to make people think. About what is the question? All that statement made me see was that those two gentleman had way too much time on their hands. They should spend less time thinking and more time doing.

This week singer Tyrese Gibson issued a message to independent women. First of all let me say that Tyrese should have a seat. Then he should sing. Just sing and never speak another word another day of his life. Unless, of course, his words are scripted, because the phrase, "Didn't I tell you to put the block on the phone last week with yo' black ass?" changed my entire life. But as far as his "reflections" go, we don't need them. They're bad enough on Twitter with the poorly completed analogies, horrible spelling, and nightmare-level grammar. Then famous blogger just had to give him a video platform. You can watch the whole thing by clicking this link:

Now that you've wasted minutes of your precious life, help me pass out this stadium of seats to Tyrese.

When we say we don't need a man what we're saying is we don't need drama, competition, and foolishness. We need the freedom to do what we want in order to make ourselves better without having to worry about whether or not we're emasculating our mates. Life is too expensive to be worried about whether or not the amount of money I make makes me desirable to men. Should I stop being independent, or should men step up to the plate? I can honestly say I've never met nor have I dated a man who lived on his own. While I'm sure they exist, it's sad they're so hard to find. How, then, can they criticize something they've never done? I wonder if men would be as intimidated if they knew what being independent entailed.

My question is, what are black women supposed to do? Are we expected to just sit around and wait for some black men to rescue us from delinquent bills, bad credit, disconnected utilities, and homelessness? I've proposed a draft of the letter I'm going to start sending to my bill collectors until this phantom black man comes to my rescue:

"Dear Bill Collectors,

I know I owe you money, but Tyrese says I'm making black men not want me by paying them myself. So therefore, keep my shit on and a roof over my head until a black man comes along and rescues me. He's good for it. This way you'll get paid at some undetermined date, and black men will feel like they have their big boy pants on.

Yeah, Okay.
Cc, notarized by, and endorsed by Tyrese Gibson and any other black male who needs to Get the ____ out of here with this nonsense."

I'm not even independent in the usual sense of the word. I don't own a car, and I live in the apartment. I just make sure all of my bills are paid my children are taken care of. These things are done without asking a man for his help. Why? Because the two times in life I ever asked any man to do anything for me were problems. Never again will I depend on anyone but myself to do what I need to do. I never understood how me paying my bills ever affected anyone in a negative way. I need someone who can add to my completion, not someone who's intimidated by it. Unfortunately that person has not yet crossed my path. According to Tyrese and people who are letting the Willie Lynch letter hold them back, when this person does cross my path I'll turn him off with my ability to live. That's fine. I can deal with being single. It's homeless in November that I can't deal with. These Memphis winds are something serious when you live this close to the Mississippi River.


  1. Bravo, Kimani. I love this post so much words can't even describe. I feel you. And the things independent women do to make a dependent male feel like a grown man...sick! But, I've never dated/been with an independent male and I feel really bad about that. Love don't feed the kids or pay the bills.

  2. It's interesting that you said you've never dated/been with an independent male. That's the response that I get the most when this topic is discussed. Something just isn't right if the majority of women are independent and the majority of men are complaining about us being this way.