Friday, October 5, 2012

Still Friends = Still Can Get the “D”

The way the news about Chris Brown’s breakup with that poor girl whose name has been so bastardized on Twitter that I don’t even remember what her real name is anymore (she always looked like a miniature Tina Knowles to me, just in case anyone cared to know my opinion) broke, you would think the unemployment rate was at 0%, world peace had been established, Naomi Campbell found her edges, and Diddy righted everyone he’d done wrong since Bad Boy was established. Long story short, there were a million other things going on in the world, but the blogs and even some credible news sites were putting out updates on the story like it had some effect on our lives. It just wasn’t that serious. When did we as a people start releasing press statements about why we broke up with somebody? Why wasn’t I made privy to this vital step in ending relationships, because I feel like I should have a few minutes to explain why certain relationships didn’t work out so that people can stop side eyeing me?
Anyway. That’s a whole different blog post that my fingers will fall off before completing. No shots fired. Well, maybe a few shots, but moving right along…
            So Chris Brown was in an “open relationship” with the girl whose name everyone keeps messing up, which means they’re with each other, but they can have sex with whoever they want as long as they tell each other before they do it. I have never understood these arrangements, but as long as no one I’m with expects me to partake in this fuckery I’m good. Chris Brown decided he was going to keep having sex with Rihanna… And keep having sex with Rihanna… And keep having sex with Rihanna… Finally he released a statement explaining that he couldn’t keep hurting his girlfriend by continually smashing Rihanna, so it’s best that he be single. Now that’s commendable and everything, but the girl was foolish enough to become friends with Rihanna. I’m sorry. I try to be open minded about a lot of things, but you can’t pay me less than seven figures to befriend a woman my dude is knowingly boning. As bad as the economy is I’m not above whoring out my friendship. Giving it out for free? To a chick he’s been all the way up in? Um…how about no?
            I didn’t care about this mess one way or the other until I came across people’s reactions to his statement. I knew I was going to see some crap about how stupid Rihanna is for going back to the man who beat her, how Chris Brown is a monster who shouldn’t be allowed to breathe oxygen, yadda, yadda, yadda. What I thought was truly interesting were the comments about how he’s going to be balls deep in Rihanna without feeling guilty about it. Given their situation, I don’t think he ever felt guilty about it. He probably just got tired of hearing the little chick complain about it every time he walked in the house. You know how we do, ladies. Everything leads back to who he’s doing on the side:
            “Bae, why it ain’t no more chicken wings…? Oh, I bet that little whore you fuckin’ ate all the chicken wings! Why you wanna watch the presidential debate on CNN? I thought you liked MSNBC? Oh I bet you that bitch you fuckin’ got you watchin’ CNN! You used to wear Hanes. What, you had to switch to Fruit of the Loom because that heaux told you to wear Fruit of the Loom? Why you ain’t said nothing in the past 38 seconds? You thinkin’ ‘bout that bitch?”
            Maybe that’s just me who does that. Maybe that’s why all of my exes hate me, and I’m not friends with any of them. That’s probably why I took this position on the situation.
            Their breakup is the perfect example why I try not to deal with dudes who are still friends with their exes. If they claim to be cool with all or most of their ex-girlfriends then I definitely don’t trust them. I’ve always been labeled by outsiders as insecure. Call me what you want, but I’m no fool. Why break up if you’re still going to be talking every day, going to each other’s houses every day, screwing every day? It just doesn’t make sense to me. I feel that your exes are called such because you’ve X’d them out of your life. They’re an EXample of what you don’t want in a relationship. They’re EXtra baggage that you don’t need in your new relationship. Why should your current mate be subject to you still gallivanting with your previous mate(s)? If you can’t let go of the past, then stay there. Don’t drag other people backward.
“No matter who you fuck with and who I fuck with, we’re always gonna fuck with each other.”
            Nothing in this world burns me up more than this verse of fuckery. What does this stupid statement even mean? Men use this statement so they can get and keep a variety of pussy in their lives; have stupid women throw them a few dollars from time to time. Women use this statement so they can call their ex-man’s phone at 2 a.m. and then start some shit when the chick he’s laid up with gets mad. I have heard more lonely, unhappy heauxs spit this foolishness this year than I care to mention. And the bitch is always single, talking about some ex-boo that’s married or [supposed to be] in a committed relationship. Sometimes she has children with this man. This pisses me off to the highest level of pisstivity because it implies that she’s using children – people who didn’t ask to be here and didn’t ask to be a part of idiocy – to hold onto something that either isn’t there or doesn’t need to be there. This thought process shows a severe lack of intelligence on the part of the woman, because while she’s changing his kids’ funky ass diapers; while she’s dropping off money to him at some undisclosed location because he doesn’t want his girlfriend to know they’re more than just cool; while she’s in the streets yelling out this stupid shit, the man is building something real with his current woman. The money she’s giving him is being used to get his girlfriend’s hair and nails done, putting gas in his car so they can take a day trip out of town to get away from these retarded sideline chicks, taking his girlfriend out to dinner, etc. (Yes, I told all of your secrets. You’re welcome).
            I don’t think people understand how much they’re limiting themselves when they put this link between them and their estranged lover(s). It creates a bridge to the past that needs to be burned at all costs. How can you thoroughly enjoy your future if you’re still holding onto your past? What if there’s someone better for you out there? What if getting rid of your ex permanently can get you to that lover who can give it to you so good that it makes you swallow your tongue? What good does it do a person to keep dealing with someone who lays down with and wakes up with someone daily? One definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results. It’s insane to keep going back to a person who keeps going home to someone else, thinking one day that person is going to go home with you.
            And again I ask, what about the person in the middle of all of this? You mean to tell me that if I get into a relationship with you then I have to share you with your past? But isn’t the past over? Is there a more selfish way to live? So I have to sit through you texting your ex all day, talking about how good your sex used to be? Our budget has to include the money you toss your ex from time to time, just in case she needs gas or lunch money? I have to be okay with you going to your ex-girlfriend’s house? I have to twiddle my thumbs and wait for you to come home while you’re out with her, so as not to seem “insecure?” Let me answer these questions real quick:
Hell the entire fuck no!
            Who do you people think you are, bringing bullshit into other people’s lives? Why should we (the current mate) be content building a house on someone else’s foundation? Our lives were just fine and dandy as single people. We at least had our sanity. What do we get out of letting these people into our lives who have all this dumbness going on in their own? Absolutely nothing.
            I don’t care what you say. If they claim to still be friends then they’re still fucking. At the very least they’re planning to fuck again in the very near future. How can two people who used to make each other howl at the moon stand in the same space knowing they’re never going to make each other do that again and just be cool with it? Nobody needs to “just say hi” every day. Nobody needs to cook you a meal every Sunday unless you’re providing dessert. They broke up for a reason. Why do they insist on being in each other’s lives? I guess I can say all of this with a clear conscience, because I only have one ex who I’m even remotely cordial with. I feel bad or weird every time he “likes” something I post on Facebook about my new life (like my new baby) because we had plans of doing everything I’m doing with my current dude. How is he okay with that? I don’t even bother acknowledging that my other exes are even alive because I know they still want to smash and still think they can smash. And that’s not gonna happen. Ever. At all. Keeping doors to the past open gives access to them.
            And there may be a few cases where they’re not still screwing, but you can bet your last dollar something is going on that is in violation of their current relationships. A relationship is more than just sex, so cheating isn’t just sex. Just thought I’d clear that up. You’re welcome.
            So, yeah. Chris Brown was good for that statement he made. Grownups take care of their business. Part of taking care of their business is finishing business. He couldn’t do that, so he ended it with
the current and released her from the hurt he was putting her through. That’s a trend he started that I hope catches on and stays forever and ever amen. 

No comments:

Post a Comment